Formula 3 - Sognando e Risognando (1972)

I didn't know that cutting a woman in half could actually be made more creepy and disgusting, but these guys sure managed to figure it out. I guess they figured that if they made the body look like a bad blow-up doll of a corpse, they could get away with the whole bisection thing without it seeming too terrible. Of course, they failed to realize that even having that idea for an album cover in the first place is terrible in and of itself.

Birth Control - Operation (Alternate Cover) (1971)

Quite a while ago, I took these guys to task for one cover of their album Operation, which featured a katydid chewing up human babies. What I didn't realize at the time is that apparently Birth Control's album covers came in a variety of different forms. I wasn't surprised to learn, of course, that most of these alternate forms were just as shitty.

Therefore, we have this alternate take on Operation. Instead of a giant insect committing infanticide, we see some sort of eel inside a water-filled condom. Like with most of Birth Control's covers, I really have no idea what this has to do with the concept of birth control, if anything. I mean, the idea "wear a condom or else a giant eel will come out of your penis and destroy your girlfriend's cervix" is juuust a bit insane.

Fireballet - Two, Too... (1976)

Rateyourmusic tells me that this is the last album Fireballet ever released. I suspect this is because putting all of your ugly, hairy male band members on the cover of your album wearing tutus and frolicking around is considered to be a career-ending move in certain parts of the world. Making awful puns on top of that just seals the deal.

Finch - Beyond Expression (1976)

It's not often that I agree with an album's title, but really, what can you say about a monstrous disembodied heart that's spewing fire from its innards?

At least A.A. Allen didn't name this. He probably would've called it "The Healer of Heartburns."

Abbfinoosty - Out of Abbfinoosty Comes the Storm (1996)

Scouple hints for those wishing to look more menacing on their album cover(s).

1) It's difficult to look menacing when you use a butterfly-wing pattern as part of your album cover's background.
2) It's nearly impossible to look menacing when you look like Tiny Tim's uglier kid brother.
3) Though spooky lighting can make one look more menacing, be sure the lighting doesn't make your skin look like you're a pumpkin with jaundice.

Dream Theater - A Change of Seasons (1995)

You know, it's not that I don't get the point behind this cover or anything (ha ha the little kid in swim trunks is playing in the snow as if it were sand), it's just that the execution seems kind of slipshod. If you're trying to depict a small child playing in the snow, why not take a photo of a child playing in the god damned snow instead of taking a separate photo of the child, throwing him through a blue filter, then haphazardly photoshopping him onto a winter scene in as if we wouldn't notice. The same goes for the damned stupid bucket and scoop. I also like how for some reason the blue filter doesn't work on the piercingly red rose. Jesus Christ, Photoshop turned Storm Thorgerson into a lazy bastard.

Birth Control - Operation (1971)

Tying in with the previous album cover of theirs that I've covered, if you don't use birth control, apparently a giant grasshopper will, uh, eat a bunch of babies for some poorly-defined reason. I'm not sure if this is a step up from a dayglo fetus in a dumpster yet or not, but at least you can give these guys credit for sticking to a theme. Even when it feels like their theme was inspired by taking a shitload of drugs.

Incredible Hog - Incredible Hog (1973)

Boy there's nothing I like more than a female pig with several sets of human-like breasts, posing provocatively. I wonder if this album cover can be blamed for creating furries.

Birth Control - Believe in the Pill (1972)

Believe in the pill or you'll end up dumping your malformed neon-pink fetus in a trash can next to some rotting food and a busted pair of aviators. This seems like a reasonable enough message, except for actually, you know, providing us with an image to go by. I guess we should at least be thankful that the band didn't try to go down a Chumbawamba-esque route and make the fetus look more realistic or actually have it be a real fetus.

Pink Floyd - Delicate Sound of Thunder (1988)

What could possibly be more interesting and exciting than a man being attacked by birds? I know! A man wearing black with lightbulbs glued all over him! And the guy has a stick jammed up his ass!

I realize that Storm Thorgerson and Hipgnosis have been responsible for a great many deservedly iconic album covers over the years, but I feel really safe in saying that this ain't one of them.

Eulenspygel - Eulenspygel 2 (1971)

What a perfectly wonderful album cover! A live baby chick standing on top of a charred, dead baby chick laying on top of a fried egg in a frying pan. And people were bitching about Faith No More letting a fish flop around out of water for a few seconds in their music video for "Epic"!

I think this is supposed to be a warning of some sort, along the lines of "this is your brain after listening to German prog rock."

Brainticket - Cottonwoodhill (1971)

Brainticket aim to expand our minds, show us what it's really like to drop some acid and take a journey into the center of your mind. If this album cover is any indication, the experience is rather ugly. The young woman screams, shouting "OH GOD THESE COLORS ARE MAKING ME WANT TO RETCH" as she sees and feels sensations not unlike being flushed down a toilet. Meanwhile, an unidentified white mass on the right side is knocking on the gold divider. "Excuse me, could you tone down the screaming a bit? I'm trying to sleep. Also you accidentally left a few pieces of your brain on the couch when you were over last night. You really need to get that thing covered up."