Don & Seymour - Don & Seymour

The look of rage on Don's face in this image is pretty stunning. "So I'm playing guitar with a sock puppet. YOU GOT A FUCKIN' PROBLEM WITH THAT, ASSHOLE?!" Given Seymour's typically jolly appearance (being a puppet and all), what's coming to mind is a very surreal, musical version of good cop, bad cop, where Seymour happily serenades you and cracks jokes and Don angrily cracks the guitar over your head and dumps your body in a drainage ditch.

(As the watermark mentions, this is an image from Bizarre Records, a bunch of guys who've been doing this way longer than I have, and even partially inspired me to start this.)

Captain Hook and his Christian Pirate Crew - Shiver My Timbers!

I really can't blame the vaguely devil-looking guy in the corner for boycotting this whole thing; when I think pirates, I generally think of drinking rum and adventuring, not reading scripture. Hell, they can't even get stereotyped pirate lingo correct for the title; that "my" should clearly be a "me."

I do have to wonder who "Sharkey" is, though, and why he's just as important as the singalongs and the scripture. Is this some long forgotten part of the bible with an emphasis on walking the plank and pieces of eight? "And Sharkey did turn the bilgewater into rum, and let the whole become mutilated so that they could be outfitted with hooks and peg legs. And then Sharkey said unto the masses 'Arr, let's be pillagin' in the name of the Lord, me hearties!'" (Sharkey 3:25)

Jiggers - Story Time

Hey gang! You're probably wondering how a 2 foot tall puppet such as myself got on the back of this huge horse! I have no idea either! All I know is that it seems really angry at me and the world in general. I'd love to dismount, but I'm just a puppet, so I can't even do that! What I'm trying to say, kids, is when I eventually get bucked off and crushed underneath this massive beast's pounding hooves, just tell my wife that I love her.

Dan Betzer and Louie - Tell the Bible Classics Vol. III

Let's ignore the cheap costumes and Dan's beehive-like fake beard for a second. Something bothers me about this whole thing on a fairly deep level. I mean, ventriloquist acts generally work as a visual spectacle. Without seeing the puppeteer actually manipulating the puppet, most of the appeal of seeing a ventriloquist act goes out the window. Who really wants to listen to a ventriloquist act on record? Who wants to do so badly enough that it creates a demand for a series that's actually hit its third volume? And what in the hell does a ventriloquist dummy add to bible stories anyway?