Robbie Basho - The Falconer's Arm I (1967)

Either this album cover features one of the only caucasian Native American asians in existence, or that's the dumbest fucking collection of fashion statements I've ever seen in my life.

Poison - Open Up and Say... Ahh! (original cover) (1988)

If this is meant to be demonic, this is the least threatening demonic presence I've ever seen. It looks like some woman couldn't decide whether she wanted to be a cat, filthy white-trash, or Gene Simmons for Halloween and tried to haphazardly combine qualities of all three.

For some reason or another, this cover was actually banned. I can only hope that it was banned for being almost inconcievably stupid, but given that the 80s was the time of the PMRC I get the feeling that this cover was somehow actually viewed as being a threat, which just makes me feel really, really sad.

Bonnie Prudden - Fitness for Baby and You

a.k.a. "Here's another completely pointless activity you can force your child into to make you feel better about being a housewife with a dead-end life desperately trying to beautify yourself for a husband who probably doesn't give two shits about you and is most likely cheating on you with that cute girl down at the office."

Almafuerte - Del Entorno (1996)

I'm pretty sure that it's not a smart idea to connote your band's music with stepping in a pile of shit, or anything scatalogical in general, but by this point this seems less shocking for me and more really tiring. There's only so many times you can see shit or shit-like substances on album covers before it starts to get really old really fast.

Cerrone - Cerrone's Paradise (1976)

My personal paradise also involves nude women giving themselves back problems on ancient appliances and wearing a dorky leisure suit while some mysterious white substance congeals on the floor! It's like Cerrone and I are cut from the same swarthy, hairy cloth!

Angel - White Hot (1977)

Let it be known that these men who stand before you now, these most divine beings, collectively possess the nicest set of tits in the entierity of this Hieronymous Bosch-esque world that we live in. These men, with their long, flowing hair and perky breasts, shall change the world. You shall see.

Birth Control - Believe in the Pill (1972)

Believe in the pill or you'll end up dumping your malformed neon-pink fetus in a trash can next to some rotting food and a busted pair of aviators. This seems like a reasonable enough message, except for actually, you know, providing us with an image to go by. I guess we should at least be thankful that the band didn't try to go down a Chumbawamba-esque route and make the fetus look more realistic or actually have it be a real fetus.

Dennis Farnon and his Orchestra - Caution! Men Swinging (1957)

The 50s were a bad era to in which to be a homosexual. Subtlety had to be used when writing about or otherwise depicting homosexuality without being labeled one yourself and thus having your life ruined. This album cover seems to fail on almost every count. Aside from the blatantly obvious name and its implication of gay swingers having a good time, we see blatant phallic imagery in the clarinet and how happy its player seems to be. There is the fact that the clarinet player is straddling a sawhorse in such a way as to make his crotch extremely prominent. And then there's the guy in the foreground, creepily fantasizing about the whole thing. I don't know what the significance of the ladder is, though. I think it's just a ladder.

Vickie Hanson - Vickie Hanson's Aerobic Glow: Fitness in Action

Well the stripes on her shirt certainly make for an interesting optical illusion, until you realize that she's actually wearing those stripes seriously. Then it just becomes ugly.

(The above commentary was provided by my good friend Jeff!)

Soulja Slim - Give It 2 'Em Raw (1998)

Well there certainly is no better way of giving it to somebody raw than starting World War III.