Devourment - Molesting the Decapitated (1999)

Yep, it's a decapitated corpse alright. One that happens to be naked. You have to give the band a few points for making their album's title fairly accurate, and double bonus points for not having the nude corpse be female since I get pretty damned tired of misogyny on metal album covers. Of course, in the end we're still left with a naked, headless corpse, and it doesn't take much thought to realize that this isn't a good thing.

The Friends - Songs that Mom and Dad Taught Us

Mom and dad sure taught us a lot, you know. They were so important to us as a band, in fact, that once they died, well, I couldn't bear to see them buried. Instead I took them to the local taxidermist. He was a bit hesitant at first, but after I convinced him of how important they were to me, he went through with the procedure and gave them to me. Now they can sit on their favorite chairs, forever. I even took a photo of it for the album cover!

Bruce Haack - The Electronic Record for Children (1969)

This cover explains why hippies shouldn't have been allowed to make their own album covers. Sketchy, art-school dropout drawing style? Inexplicably naked children and naked adults? More hair than a wig factory?

I'm just glad that he drew so many lightning bolts. Without those, I wouldn't have had a fucking clue that the album apparently contains electronic music!

Violet Cohn - More from Violet Cohn

I'm not sure how to read Violet's facial expression here. Either she's been constipated for days and is waiting for her prunes to kick in, or she's completely forgotten that she was supposed to have a photo taken for her album cover and is wondering who in the hell these strange people with cameras are that came into her house and scared her cats. I'm thinking it might be the latter since she apparently took the time to pick out the dress that acted as the best camoflage against her floral print wallpaper.

(as the watermark states, this image also comes courtesy of Bizarre Records)

Christian Crusaders - Christian Crusaders with Al Davis

Given superpowers by the divine love of Jesus Christ, the Christian Crusaders are a crack team of superheroes designed to spread His love across the land! They are:
The Rotund Reverend: He loves Jesus almost as much as he loves food!
Miss Anorexia: She may be wiry, but she has nerves of steel hardened by her faith!
The Midget: A pint-sized soldier in His army, he's still no slouch when it comes to fighting in His name!
Featuring special guest star Emperor Palpatine!

Scorpions - Virgin Killer (original cover) (1976)

This cover stands head and shoulders above any I've ever seen. It's in such bad taste as to render the cover difficult to even look at. It plays off of societal taboos in a way that's crass and exploitative in the worst possible sense. It features a naked preteen posing suggestively with a broken glass starburst over her genitals. My friends, this is Virgin Killer.

How does an album cover like this come about? Apparently, the band's record label asked for a shocking cover, and they sure as hell got one. They got one so bad that even the band themselves started to have second thoughts about what they had done. The fact that the cover got pulled and replaced with a generic group photo of the band suggests that the record label figured that out perhaps just a tad too late.

So congratulations to you, Scorpions. You somehow managed to make the worst album cover ever. I hope you're proud of yourselves.

Bay City Rollers - Rock 'n' Roll Love Letter (1976)

Featuring quite possibly the ugliest group of teen heartthrobs ever. Not only do I resent their horrible faces, I also resent that they attempted to do the 80s feathered hair look about four years before the 80s actually began. Their outfits, of course, are too horrible to even mention.

Birth Control - Operation (1971)

Tying in with the previous album cover of theirs that I've covered, if you don't use birth control, apparently a giant grasshopper will, uh, eat a bunch of babies for some poorly-defined reason. I'm not sure if this is a step up from a dayglo fetus in a dumpster yet or not, but at least you can give these guys credit for sticking to a theme. Even when it feels like their theme was inspired by taking a shitload of drugs.

Anna Russell - In Darkest Africa

I like how she goes for the old-school colonialist approach to how those horrible African savages would treat such an upstanding, white British woman such as herself, then completely half-asses it by making them wear those bizarre tartan skirts. I mean jesus, if you're going to be stereotypical, at least get your fucking stereotypes right.

The Reverend Gusta Booker - The Day Death Died!!! (1983)

You can never use too many exclamation points!!! This goes double if you're making profoundly nonsensical statements!!! They lend your album's title that touch of class and elegance that it needs to make people want to listen to it!!! It's great!!!